i have stopped worrying about my spiritual condition.
i have ceased to rush to church everyday to attend mass all because it is expected of a spiritual person.
i have walked out of an uncomfortably crowded church on a sunday mass, paced the parking lot back and forth instead, and practically heard mass from there — understanding, appreciating, and soaking in God’s word more keenly and pleasurably as i allowed the coolness of evening air to touch my skin.
one time, i walked out of a priest’s homily because he had wasted a good part of it talking about his tennis game. i kept waiting for the punchline but it never came. instead, he proceeded to talk about the fiesta he attended in some remote town the night before. (i go to church because i want to be touched… because i want to hear about Christ.) so, i left and spent the next hour with the blessed sacrament instead.
in any man’s eyes, i had skipped my sunday mass.
another time, the priest was obviously recovering from a throat surgery because he had this piece of support mechanism around his neck, and he went through the mass in its entirety laboriously, w o rrrr d a—- f t e r ev ——–ryyyyyyyyy w o r ——–dddddd. . . . . , my mind was elsewhere half the time. and with God as my witness, i literally wished i was where my mind was.
the next time i dropped in to attend mass and realized it was the poor priest again, i slowly creeped out, with head bowed down, whispering in my mind, “forgive me, Lord. i will have to see You another time.”
without meaning any disrespect to local priests, the one thing i miss most about melbourne, australia are their priests’ homilies. whether it is a full-blown sunday sermon or a short, weekday reflection of the gospel, the message is so deep, so relevant, so direct, and so in-touch with God, that it never fails to awaken, move, or stir my lost soul.
they must either be very holy men of God or they are simply using their heads. they realize that creativity, inventiveness, and especially, relevance of their homilies are undoubtedly crucial and necessary because their churchgoers have been fed these gospels countless times over and over since childhood.
i am done doing things to appear that i am Christian.
the divinity lives in me. i don’t need to go anywhere or stick it out in some concrete structure all because it bears the name “church” and watch some nincompoop reduce to futility the sacredness and power of a divine rite.
i would rather stay out and smell the roses, God’s roses.
“the feebleness of the church is being criticized today, and the criticism is justified. one reason for the feebleness is that there has not been this focus on the true center of spiritual power.” — My Utmost For His Highest
“Look to Me. . .” (Isaiah 45:22), and the power of God will be in you.
“Forgive me, Lord, but i have to say it here. i love You. bless me and the world today, please.”