“after sanctification, it is difficult to state what your purpose in life is, because God has moved you into His purpose through the Holy Spirit. He is using you now for His purposes throughout the world as He used His Son for the purpose of our salvation. if you seek great things for yourself, thinking, “God has called me for this and for that,” you barricade God from using you.” — My Utmost For His Highest
we are all capable of greatness and we know that. thus, when i had clear and concise visions of God’s purpose for me, i rightfully presumed my role and task in His grand scheme, basing, of course, on what i knew i was capable of. i quickly had an idea of how God was going to carry out things.
but in the year after that, i found myself doing things totally out of my nature. i preferred my solitude and privacy — finding purpose, peace, and contentment just by prayer and meditation. i found joy in its purest form — away from the world i used to blossom in.
slipping back unnoticed and unseen was happiness. for months, the only form of social activity i looked forward to (and which thankfully had some correlation to my perceived intentions of God) was with a couple of MC nuns and 3 other volunteers in their service vehicle (if it wasn’t a borrowed one) where we all sat in between boxes of medicines, food, and goodies, taking in all heat, noise, and smog before arriving at a routine destination to dispense our cargo to waiting mothers and children.
it was good. it felt good. and i meant to keep things that way.
until an avalanche of nagging and overwhelming things started tumbling down from heaven. at first i resisted. i was too happy and comfortable in my new world to let anyone and anything invade it.
i asked God, “are You sure about this? is it coming from You because if it isn’t, then please just take it away. don’t You think we’re okay as we are?”
but of course, God didn’t think so because He sent me people who pulled me out of solitary living. He sent me orders that needed more than just 24 hours in a day and 30 days in a month to meet. and, above all, He sent me P R E S S U R E.
i can never guess God. can you?
but the good thing is, whatever changes He brings me now and later, i am confident that He has set permanent changes within me.
and whoever He sends my way today is my task at hand and His will for me. i love You, sweet Jesus!
“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.”