Monday, October 31: The Trial of Faith

God calls each of us to holiness — not merely those who are in convents and monasteries but us, too, ordinary and feeble people like us.  but do we honestly believe it can be done?

if there is anything that is trying my faith lately, it is this.

i have just realized that God has answered my recent prayers though strangely.  He removed the major cause of stress (and bad temper) and blessed me with more time in my hands.  but what have i been doing?

instead of spending the freed up time in quiet meditation, prayer, thanksgiving, and offering myself to Christ,  i have used it worrying! worrying about actions and statements of people i have no control of, worrying about delays, analyzing whether i had done right in this or that,  and planning what to do while waiting on the Lord.  (?)

i know what my problem is.  i keep losing focus on the task at hand. when i was swamped with work, i said i was distracted.  now, when i have more than enough time in the world, i am looking for things to distract me.  i have been so used to being busy, i cannot sit still. now with nothing to do, i ought to just take His yoke, and simply enjoy God.  that is the task at hand.

how can anyone like me who desires to be holy ever be made holy if all i am still concerned about is security, success, money, action, and winning?   sigh, i leave God helpless.  😦

obviously, holiness calls for more than just making a decision to follow Christ.

to deny myself and to exalt Christ… to turn away from my old ways of thinking and behaving and begin thinking and behaving like Him… to veer from being self-centered and become God-centered…  to fire up my passive and shy faith into active and powerful faith that fulfills…  to get out of the limits i have set on myself and reach out to love the undesirable, the difficult, the proud, the ungrateful, the thoughtless, the selfish, the needy, the suffering, and the world — all of that require more than just a willing spirit.

“Those who change the world for the better are holy, they transform it permanently, instilling in it the energies that only love, inspired by the Gospel, can elicit. The saints are humanity’s great benefactors.”  — Pope Benedict XVI

——————————————–

“my dearest Holy Spirit, here i am again, surrendering.   i know i have not attained much but You can help me. You are the source of the holiness  to which i am called.  grant me the grace to use my time in search for God, to turn constantly toward Him, meditate on His word and pray, and to find pleasure in spending time with Him.  transform and recreate me with a new heart — a heart like Christ’s— so that i, too, can partake of His divine nature — loving God and others cheerfully and selflessly.  and, when i am ready, Lord, use me.”

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