okay, i am done being spoiled and i am not going to be impulsive but am i right in demanding at least some kindness and affection?
should i hang around till God knows when because right after i debated with my Lord and dried my tears, my readings keep reminding me that “we do not need His grace to withstand crises—human nature and pride are sufficient for us to face the stress and strain magnificently. but, it does require the supernatural grace of God to live twenty-four hours of every day as a saint, going through drudgery, and living an ordinary, unnoticed, and ignored existence as a disciple of Christ?”
it is ingrained in us that we have to do exceptional things for God—but we do not. We have to be exceptional in the ordinary things of life, and holy on the ordinary streets, among ordinary people—and this is not learned in five minutes.” — My Utmost For His Highest
for how long more, dear God? take full control of me, please. deaden the unruly desires in my heart so that i may cease to get hurt. it is stupid to want to stay miserable, so, why must i? I cannot see how You Yourself would want misery on anyone.
if it is not too much to ask, rearrange my life not only for what is pretty obvious but also for the chronic, blatant, and nagging reasons because honestly, my dearest Beloved, i simply want to be happy, too.
for the love of me, please?
but then again, should this prayer be totally blind or even just shortsighted and wrong which will bring about the worse and not good, then let Your will be done, my Lord. in You i still trust. amen.”