i had thought that my conversion was it — that i had finally reached my goal, hit the jackpot, i was blessed, and all i needed to do was carry on with my prayers, do good and i would sail smoothly. but no. as God took me through times of indescribable joy and success, He also carried me through trying times, difficult work and personal relationships which led me to wonder how He could still be displeased with me despite my change of heart.
but God’s view on things is so unlike our own view. what we see as good, God knows as evil. what we see as easy, God knows to be complicated. what we see as stimulating, God knows as violating. what we see as harmless, God knows to be dangerous.
similarly, we are prone to believe that His call to us would be something heroic, grand, distinguished, or impressive — something that would make us feel good and proud while at it. but again, no.
“our call has nothing to do with personal sanctification, but with being made broken bread and poured-out wine. yet God can never make us into wine if we object to the fingers He chooses to use to crush us. we say, “If God would only use His own fingers, and make me broken bread and poured-out wine in a special way, then I wouldn’t object!” but when He uses someone we dislike, or some set of circumstances to which we said we would never submit, to crush us, then we object. yet we must never try to choose the place of our own martyrdom.” — My Utmost For His Highest
so after spiritual conversion, we can expect to be crushed, pressed, and squeezed in places and by people we least expect, least like, and are least comfortable with until the fundamentals of our natural life are placed into the very presence of God, providentially used, disposed, and deployed as He pleases.
“my Lord God Almighty, through Your beloved Son, Jesus and the Holy Spirit, inspire me to always know within my heart Your will for me and the work You wish to be done. grant me the divine grace that my efforts will not be in vain. bless me that I may work with my hands and all my faculties whatever is good and share to those in need. all that i have and all that i am, dear Lord, depend on Your favor and blessing. i love You, my God! amen.”