“if your right hand causes you to sin, in your walk with Him, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell.” — Matthew 5:30
but what if it is my livelihood that is causing me to sin? or to be more precise, the pressures from it?
i don’t deal with anything illegal or immoral but everyday, i find myself working under stress in meeting deadlines — which is really pushing me to lose my temper too often.
because of this, i have contemplated a few times on just giving up my apparel business— shutting it down or selling it. not only because i feel completely drained at the end of each day, but mainly because i have come to believe that minus the pressure, i would have a bigger chance of becoming the person God wants me to be — kind, happy, carefree, and calm.
in the midst of what would naturally be viewed as a boon and blessing by anyone ends up as a disservice to me because i am now finding myself sorely lacking of the necessary spirit of truly loving God and my neighbor. in other words, the demands of the job verily succeed in bringing out my worse side.
my Lord, forgive me.
the other morning at home over alfresco coffee, my son was making me see the urgent need for me to maintain a calm and pleasant demeanor amidst the pressure to motivate the workers more and keep them happy. it was a good heart-to-heart chat, son to mother. ( he did all the talking while i listened most of the time, albeit uncomfortably.)
after that talk, i prayed, meditated on Jesus, and agonized about my faults.
i realized that my business of 31 years is God’s gift to me and the work i give to many is my gift to God. i was wrong to think that i can just give it up, abandon my workers — some of whom have been with me for 10-3o years all because i can’t keep my stupid temper down.
the work of Jesus in me is ongoing. although acknowledging and owning up to my faults before others and God is quite humbling, frustrating, and painful, it is something i need to do. gosh, i’m 52!
i need to deal with my faults, plain and simple. the time is now. and, until i take the right steps to curb and remove them, Jesus will firmly keep on putting me back in the same circumstances.
however, i believe confidently that in the end, the entire process — no matter how difficult– will be eternally fruitful.
God wants me pure. and, now i know.
“Thank You, my dearest Jesus for this realization. my dear Holy Spirit, you are all i need so please be there for me always. i love You.”