“the counterfeit of obedience is a state of mind in which you create your own opportunities to sacrifice yourself and your zeal and enthusiasm are mistaken for discernment. it is easier to sacrifice yourself than to fulfill your spiritual destiny…. beware of paying attention to what you once were when God wants you to be something that you have never been.” — My Utmost For His Highest
i have quite a lofty perception of myself that i have tried hard to strive for and maintain — not necessarily for public view but for my own honest purpose. why? because that is how i have always known myself to be… how i was taught from an early age at home and later, schooled and trained to become — a righteous and respectable woman of strength with faith in God and myself, worthy of emulation and admiration.
i set standards and rules of how i should live and behave… how my life should be.
now, decades of hits and misses later, i am still in the process of thoroughly examining the full life i have lived and discerning the will of God in it.
reflecting and pondering on God’s glorious truths now more than ever, i have come to realize…
….that i may have been too harsh on others and myself in the different periods in the past as i worked at fulfilling myself.
….that God who is perfect in His love has a plan for each one of us and that we all are meant to work together as links in a chain in achieving His ultimate design.
…that with my present circumstances that don’t seem to get away, God is telling me to accept them as an opportunity to try something different and discover what other strengths i just might be made of.
… that when i experience much less than what i feel i deserve, i.e. true and perfect love, i understand that life isn’t always all about me but mostly about God and others.
… that when i sometimes deal with insensitivity, thoughtlessness, and uncaring ways, the pain and disappointment i feel are not life’s entirety.
…that after being blessed with a life of ease and comfort, it is my turn to share and give of myself, work with joy and peace at making someone else’s life the same even if my efforts are not appreciated.
…that i should be willing to be taken away from my comfort zone to “the great swelling tide of God’s purpose” and to accept whatever position and role He deems best for me.
…that to reach my spiritual destiny, i may be in for something totally different than what i have been used to.
…that in the end, the ways of God will triumph and my purpose in His grand plan will be fulfilled.
“Lord God, give me the strength, the wisdom, and all the grace i need to cooperate, to act, to strive, and to obey You in the circumstances you send me. i offer my life to You, my dear God.”